Prego/1st Time Mom Moment

Ok, so I had my first true "Prego/1st Time Mom" moment this morning. I've heard of the emotional roller coaster you're supposed to be on as a pregnant woman, but up until now, I feel like I've handled my emotions quite well. Yes, I may have had some mini moments, but I have wondered each time: was that the hormones talkin or would I have reacted the very same way prego or not? That is, until this morning!!

I left my house early, pre-warned that today was the first day of school, prepared to hit the "20 mph" zones while leaving Rowlett, one just as you turn out of my neighborhood. Immediately after jumping in my car and backing out of the drive, I flipped on the radio and turned on the Kidd Kraddick In The Morning show, as I do almost every morning on my way to work. They were welcoming parents to call in to tell about their experiences of the 1st day of school...especially parents dropping kids off for their true 1ST day of school (kindergarten, pre-k, etc). And, this started my mind racing about my little one...

Do you know that in six short years, I'll be dropping my little girl off for her first day of Kindergarten?!?! I sent Eddie a text to ensure that he knows it's only 6 short years away...he, of course, replied "{that's} a long time"...I, of course, being the prego that I am, thought "it will be here before we know it!!" And a tear came to my eye.

But if that wasn't enough, then Kidd began reading a "poem" called "I Trust You'll Treat Her Well." Why o why did I not change the channel?!?! Why would I want to put myself thru the torture?!?!? But I wanted to hear it, maybe deep down in side I knew I needed a good cry!! And so he began...

Dear World, I bequeath to you today one little girl ... in a crisp dress ... with two blue eyes ... and a happy laugh that ripples all day long ... and a flash of light blond hair that bounces in the sun when she runs. I trust you'll treat her well. She's slipping out the backyard of my heart this morning ... and skipping off down the street to her first day of school. And never again will she be completely mine. Prim and proud she'll wave her young and independent hand this morning and say "Goodbye" and walk with little lady steps to the schoolhouse. Now she'll learn to stand in lines ... and wait by the alphabet for her name to be called. She'll learn to tune her ears for the sounds of school-bells ... and deadlines ... and she'll learn to giggle ... and gossip ... and look at the ceiling in a disinterested way when the little boy 'cross the aisle sticks out his tongue at her. And, now she'll learn to be jealous. And now she'll learn how it is to feel hurt inside. And now she'll learn how not to cry. No longer will she have time to sit on the front porch steps on a summer day and watch an ant scurry across the crack in the sidewalk. Nor will she have time to pop out of bed with the dawn and kiss lilac blooms in the morning dew. No, now she'll worry about those important things ... like grades and which dress to wear and whose best friend is whose. And the magic of books and learning will replace the magic of her blocks and dolls. And now she'll find new heroes. For five full years now I've been her sage and pal and father and Santa Claus and playmate and friend. Now she'll learn to share her worship with her teachers ... which is only right. But, no longer will I be the smartest, greatest man in the whole world. Today when that school bell rings for the first time ... she'll learn what it means to be a member of the group ... with all its privileges and its disadvantages, too. She'll learn in time that proper young ladies do not laugh out loud ... or kiss dogs ... or keep frogs in pickle jars in bedrooms ... or even watch ants scurry across cracks in sidewalks in the summer. Today she'll learn for the first time that all who smile at her are not her friends. And I'll stand on the front porch and watch her start out on the long, lonely journey to becoming a woman. So, world, I bequeath to you today one little girl ... in a crisp dress ... with two blue eyes ... and a flash of light blond hair that bounces in the sunlight when she runs. I trust you'll treat her well. - Dad

I don't think I made it through the first 15 or so words and the tears came flowing!! I thought back on the moment when I was talking to my girlfriend Brynn, shortly after her son Cayden was born, and she started crying on the phone, because she was thinking about how he would be grown up soon, graduating from high school. I remember giggling at the idea of crying about such a thing...he was like a week old, maybe less...I just thought it was silly for her to even be thinking of him as a man, when he was only days old. I smiled...now I understood, it was clear to me now, it's a "Mom Thing!!" I don't think any one will get it, that is, til they jump in these shoes.

Well, if that wasn't torture enough, what followed next was the torture of all tortures. Immediately following Kidd's poem came "Butterfly Kisses" by Bob Carlisle. And was Kidd satisfied playing the regular version of the song? Noooooo, he had to play the version with the extra commentation between the lyrics. As soon as I heard the sound of the little kids laughing that starts the song off, I knew what it was, and immediately I heard a voice in my head screaming "TURN IT OFF!!" But did I listen? Yes, but not to the voice in my head, I listened to the entire "tear-jerking for any parent" version of "Butterfly Kisses" and completely bawled my eyes out, mascara running down my face, no back up make up in the car, puffy eyes and all, ending just minutes before I would walk through the door of my office. And as each stage of the girl's life (in the song) passed, I imagined my little girl in that stage of her life. Uggghhh!! Ladies, why do we do these sort of things to ourselves?